Rude People

So I just got off of work (which I will say involves preparing coffee, you can guess what chain it is haha) and it was a pretty sucky night. Mostly just some really rude people who kind of got me down. It honestly amazes me how some people have no manners. Especially the people who you think would (usually the well dressed people). I don't know if it's just elitism or just that some people were not taught to respect everyone, even if they are making their extra hot soy latte. Those sort of things just tend to get to me and put a damper on my night. Oh well, I guess that's why they pay me the big bucks.

Aaaanyway, things with the guy back at school (I think I'll call him Sam) are still in the same spot they were before. We haven't talked about the future or any possible relationship for awhile now, but we talk every day and we seem to be acting more like we're together with every passing day. So who knows! I still really like him, but there is no way I could be in a serious thing with him if he couldn't tell anyone. So I'm stuck in the same place. I don't want to push or force him to do anything, so for now I'm playing the waiting game.

And I'm reading a pretty good book right now called "Relentless Pursuit" by Donna Foote. It's basically a third-person memoir of the lives of Teach for America recruits in Los Angeles over the course of a year. I am seriously considering applying for teaching jobs in the inner-city of DC, New York, Philly, or some other city east of the Mississippi and it has really made me think about that tough teaching environment.

So I just realized that this post is really disjointed, but just read all the paragraphs individually. I hope everyone's summer is going well!

And now, a poem:

soaring through nature's finest show.
Denali, the great one, soaring under the midnight sun.
And then the extremes. In the winter time it's the frozen road
that is competing with the view of ice fogged frigid beauty,
the cold though, doesn't it split
the Cheechakos from the Sourdoughs?
And then in the summertime such extreme
summertime
about a hundred and fifty degrees hotter
than just some months ago, than
just some months from now,
with fireweed blooming
along the frost heaves and merciless rivers that are rushing
and carving
and reminding us that here,
Mother Nature wins.
It is as throughout all Alaska that big wild
good life teeming along the road that is
north to the future.

Fmr. Gov. Sarah Palin, of Alaska



(OK, sorry for all the hate these days, but that is PRICELESS. and not a bad poem. And you know, I actually sort of admire Palin--at least she has the balls to say what she thinks, even if what she says is crap.)

Gotcha Media

The last thing you see before you die.

Ah yes, the day has come. Her Royal Highness, the Empress of Alaska and the Aleutian Islands Sarah Palin has resigned her stately post to become Mom-in-chief of her increasingly large family (oh sorry! I forgot no one was allowed to mention her bear cubs). Well I say -- FINALLY! Her speech was as expected rambling and disjointed, with her usual lines against big government and the media (even going so far as to tell the media not to lie). The folks on CNN are trying to be as diplomatic as possible (including the lovely Candy Crowley) which is not a job I would want to have right now. I guess Mrs. Palin is off to make millions on her book/talk show/NRA speaking tour of right-wing militia camps. Good luck Sarah! Here's to your nomination in 2012! Cause you know can't win, right?

Lazy Days of Summer

So I haven't posted in a lifetime, but I think I know why -- Summer is BORING! Aside from work, I really never do much over the summer months. As sad as it is, I didn't really stay in touch with most of my high school friends, and seeing as I went to school 500 miles away, I can't really see my school friends either. Oh well, only a month until I go back!!!

In other news, I saw two of the summer's biggest movies this week: Harry Potter and Brüno (yes, I googled that name to get the little umlaut because I am a perfectionist and can't figure out how to do that on my keyboard, sigh.)

First Harry Potter: Not bad. Actually, good, even very good. I will admit I am a super fan of the books (having basically grown up with them) and I have pretty high standards when it comes to the movies. A few of the subplots were left out (including one MAJOR one that kind of pissed me off because it wasn't included), but overall, great special effects and a lot more about the relationships between the characters.

Now Brüno: Pretty bad. A few funny moments (the talk-show part was my personal favorite part) but the rest was awful. I like Borat, so I expected more of the same. I had seen the character Brüno on Da Ali G Show and thought he was pretty funny. I don't know what happened to the movie (actually, it was just poorly executed and relied way too much on the gay thing and extremely vulgar sex acts). So all in all, just bad. I wish I would have seen Harry Potter again.

Of course since I saw Harry Potter, I had to reread the last book in preparation for the next movie, but that only comes out next year so that was a pretty flimsy excuse on my part. God, this post is making me look like more and more of a nerd. Oh well. No sense denying it now!

And thanks to J over at Who's Life for showing some love!

I hope everyone's summer is a little more exciting than mine!

Thanks!

So a quick thank you to Dan from daninokc for his shout out on his blog! I've been reading for awhile and if you need some hot pics of guys quickly, go check out his blog. Also check out Frat Closet Case, pretty good stuff there so far man. It's nice to have people comment about what I've written, but even if no one did I would still write just to get these feelings out on digital paper.

Anyway, today I'm just waiting to head in to work for the night, watching some of Sotomayor's confirmation hearings in the Judiciary Committee and trying to follow all the cases that they are discussing the best I can (with help from Wikipedia, of course). As Lindsey Graham said, she'll probably be confirmed unless she explodes , but it's still interesting to see how both sides question her and how some of the Republican senators still going after her. Which is still their job, but the whole "gotcha" thing is kind of old. Anyway, I think I'll try to get some reading done before work and continue watching the hearings and hope this night at work goes by fast.

later!

No Clue

So after my mini trip back to school, and now thinking over the situation for the past week, I still have no idea what is going on with me and the guy I'm sorta kinda seeing. He told me he would let me know when he decided if he is willing to come out and he knows that we could never date or anything like that with him still in the closet (I've already dealt with that and it is no fun, I'll explain more in another post). He is always flirty and stuff whenever we talk (which is multiple times a day) and we have already discussed that neither of us want to see anyone else, but I'm still waiting to hear what he decides. We were talking online tonight and I was joking that since I came to see him up at school (where he's taking summer classes) it's now his turn to come visit me at home. He mentioned that his dad had some frequent flier miles to use up, and I have no idea if he's serious or not, but it made me feel kind of good that he even mentioned the possibility. I really do miss him even though we have only known each other for about 2 months and most of that time has been apart. Who knows what's going to happen, but I really am open to a relationship with him as long as it's open. I'll update with developments of course!

And now, let's end this post with a hot dude...

Observations

Since I've began my coming out process, I've noticed just a few things that really bug me about the gay community, gay people/stereotypes, and the straight community's behavior toward gay people. And since I'm quite fond of listing out things, here goes...

1. Almost all of the gay people I know smoke! What is with that?! I have family who smoke, and that is fine for the older generation since they really didn't know any better, but why are late teens and 20-somethings lighting up? This goes for everyone I guess, since I don't understand how anyone can just start smoking after all the bad stuff we know about tobacco. I had a friend who came out last year, and then a few months later started up the habit!!! (Ok, those not might be related, but I can see some sort of connection) I have noticed every time that I've been out to a gay venue that the number of people smoking seems to be higher there than in other places. I just don't get it. Nor do I find that attractive at all!

2. Girls always seem to think of their male gay friends as just "one of the girls". I guess we both like dick, but there aren't many things similar otherwise (at least from my viewpoint). Yeah I like clothes and occasionally I do like to shop, but not every gay guy does (the same way that not every girl does).

3. In the same vein, not all gay people are the same! It is pretty rare for me to see people treating all women or men the same, but that constantly happens to the geighs. It hasn't happened too much to me, but I have seen it happen to gay friends and it's just one of the little reasons that is slowing me down from coming clean with everyone because while some of the stereotypes might fit me (i.e. the music) most don't, and I don't want to be immediately judged as being a certain way.

4. Is it me, or does anyone else get a little uncomfortable about the idea of Pride or public displays of affection? If anyone is reading, I'm sure I'll get some hate for that, and maybe I'm just naive, but I don't ever feel the need to wear a rainbow flag around me or make out with a guy surrounded by a bunch of people. And I understand it's all about moving the gay rights movement forward, because acceptance comes from knowing gay people and seeing them in everyday light. Maybe I'm just a little confused about this whole subject, but almost naked men marching in glitter adorned hot pants doesn't scream "Acceptance" to me.

If anyone else has experienced these things or can relate, a comment would be appreciated! I'm sure this must be a common thing to feel for newly minted gays.

Till next time!

A Little Bit About Me...

I've been trying to write this post for a few days now, and with all the travel I've been doing, the holiday, and work, I couldn't really think of what to write about myself. I always have trouble writing about myself (including blogging, haha) and especially describing myself college application-like. But I'll try to give it a go now, if only for the sake of my hopefully-soon-to-be blog readers!

I really really really enjoy politics. That is probably an understatement. When Lisa Madigan, the Attorney General of Illinois announced today that she wasn't going to run for the US Senate, I was genuinely upset. If you know who she is, then that might tell you where my political persuasions lie, but if not, I guess remaining a mystery for now is alright by me. But anyway, I really enjoy talking about about politics and politicians and policy, as well as campaigning and volunteering. I don't know if I would ever run for office myself, but it's certainly something in the very back of my mind.
Lisa Madigan at Chicago Pride!

Sometimes I describe my musical taste as "queer". Not in a definitely gay sense (although I do like my fair share of Britney and Cher -- don't hate!) but more in a mixed-up, strange sense. Yeah, that probably makes no sense. Here's an example: I absolutely love Dolly Parton, Reba McEntire, and Loretta Lynn (who in their own rights could be gay icons) but I really dislike most other country, ESPECIALLY rah-rah-America-hell-yeah stuff and crappy formulaic stuff about small towns (which I'm totally not bashing, because I'm from a small town, but they all just sound the same). I guess I like alternative/indie, a very little bit of hip hop, little bit of country, not really any hard rock or metal. Generally just positive music? Another nonsensical statement, haha.

I have a bad problem with junk food and fast food. No matter how much it makes you feel like crap afterwords from eating it, I can't stop! Thank God I'm tall and don't really gain weight, or else I would be 400+ lbs. by now.

I am originally from the Northeast, but have lived most of my life down south, but now go to school back up north. Needless to say, my accent changes quite a bit.

I am not completely out yet. I want to be, but I just really hate having that conversation. I don't expect to lose too many friends or even my family because of being gay, I'm just lazy and hate awkward sit-downs to discuss my sexuality. I'll get to it eventually, and I really hope to accomplish a lot in this area this coming year, so stay tuned for that!

I am a TV whore. For serious. I love older 80s/90s sitcoms (and even newer ones like Will & Grace, The Office, 30 Rock, etc.). My all-time favorite show is, of course, drumroll please, The Golden Girls. I'm sure I've seen every episode, but they still make me laugh out loud everytime I watch. I'm usually a comedy show person, sitcoms and the like, but I also love me some HGTV, Bravo (Real Housewives, OMG), Project Runway, and History Channel/PBS/Ken Burns style documentaries. I could watch those for hours (in fact, I watched on the other night about Jews in America, pretty interesting stuff).

Wow, I do sound like a loser who sits at home and eats junk food and watches Jill Zarin and Bethenney Frankel discuss the virtues of cocktail parties in the Hamptons, but I guess it's not too far off, so I'll live with it.

Quick Update

Hey everyone and anyone reading! Just wanted to update quick while college guy is in the shower. I'm up at school for a few days, mostly just here to visit him, and things are going swimmingly so far. No talk of anything serious yet, just hanging out (and fooling around quite a bit). I hope we do eventually get to talk about future plans/where this is heading, but I am just happy to see him for a few days (awwww). In related news, home guy sent me a text last night, not about anything important, just thought I would be interested. I guess that's a step up since it was usually me texting him and there was no hint of anything sexual in the text, just basically saying "hi/how are you". Hopefully I'll get to update with a little more about me in the coming days or when I get home, but until then, have a great Independence Day!

Sticky Situation

I am in a really strange situation which I'm sure is familiar to many gay/bi/curious guys. A few weeks before school ended, I met a guy through Craigslist. Yeah, yeah, not the best place, and believe me I've learned that the hard way, but what can I say? I was horny and looking for a male companion for the night. We met up, and it turns out the guy is totally awesome and we hung out for 5 straight days before I had to go back south. We have talked constantly via text message, AIM and even Skype, and I really think I might be falling for him. The only problem is that he is bi and completely unsure/unwilling to come out fully, which is something I've come to realize is absolutely necessary for my sanity and any potential relationship (speaking from past experiences). He has said he would consider it (and basically told me that the thought never would have crossed his mind if he hadn't met me). I'm going back to school tomorrow, partially to get the last of my apartment things packed up, but mostly just to see him for a few days. I really think this has potential, and I told him I'm willing to wait and let him decide if he wants to to come out of the bi closet. Is it worth it to wait and see what happens, and just hope that he decides the way I want him too (by the way, I'm pretty sure I know the answer I want from this, but it just helps to type it out!)?

What really complicates this is that I recently met up with a guy I had talked to last summer from home who goes to school in-state, and we hooked-up late last week. We have been talking back and forth, and though I know there isn't much potential for anything long-term since I go to school out-of-state, I did have a lot of fun with him. The guilt did dampen the fun though, and I feel like that might be a sign of my true feelings for school guy.

What to do?! If the guy from school doesn't give me any clue as to what he wants to do, is it ok to have a casual fling on the side back home? and should I tell either one about the other? What a moral dilemma!

Principio

So. The first post. Yeah. Well, what to say? I guess a little description of myself would be good, so here goes...

21 years old, going to college in the northeastern United States, from the Southeast, gay, politically-minded, realistically liberal, laugh a lot and have a odd ball sense of humor (or so I've been told). And optimistic to a fault.

So that is a little about me.

I hope this blog is a place for me to work through the things in my life, share stories, and get feedback and some random insight (which I always appreciate!) I'll probably also post pictures and video, because those at least entertain me, and hopefully somebody else can appreciate them as well.




A little about the blog name: It's a little snippet from a Lady Macbeth quote, who is absolutely one of my favorite characters ever, if not for her morals.