Since I've began my coming out process, I've noticed just a few things that really bug me about the gay community, gay people/stereotypes, and the straight community's behavior toward gay people. And since I'm quite fond of listing out things, here goes...
1. Almost all of the gay people I know smoke! What is with that?! I have family who smoke, and that is fine for the older generation since they really didn't know any better, but why are late teens and 20-somethings lighting up? This goes for everyone I guess, since I don't understand how anyone can just start smoking after all the bad stuff we know about tobacco. I had a friend who came out last year, and then a few months later started up the habit!!! (Ok, those not might be related, but I can see some sort of connection) I have noticed every time that I've been out to a gay venue that the number of people smoking seems to be higher there than in other places. I just don't get it. Nor do I find that attractive at all!
2. Girls always seem to think of their male gay friends as just "one of the girls". I guess we both like dick, but there aren't many things similar otherwise (at least from my viewpoint). Yeah I like clothes and occasionally I do like to shop, but not every gay guy does (the same way that not every girl does).
3. In the same vein, not all gay people are the same! It is pretty rare for me to see people treating all women or men the same, but that constantly happens to the geighs. It hasn't happened too much to me, but I have seen it happen to gay friends and it's just one of the little reasons that is slowing me down from coming clean with everyone because while some of the stereotypes might fit me (i.e. the music) most don't, and I don't want to be immediately judged as being a certain way.
4. Is it me, or does anyone else get a little uncomfortable about the idea of Pride or public displays of affection? If anyone is reading, I'm sure I'll get some hate for that, and maybe I'm just naive, but I don't ever feel the need to wear a rainbow flag around me or make out with a guy surrounded by a bunch of people. And I understand it's all about moving the gay rights movement forward, because acceptance comes from knowing gay people and seeing them in everyday light. Maybe I'm just a little confused about this whole subject, but almost naked men marching in glitter adorned hot pants doesn't scream "Acceptance" to me.
If anyone else has experienced these things or can relate, a comment would be appreciated! I'm sure this must be a common thing to feel for newly minted gays.
Till next time!
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same deal with that movie Bruno, I won't be seeing it. blah
ReplyDeleteOk, so I had the same perception about pride. I always thought that it was unnecessary and over the top and was the whole reason why people would judge gay people was because of all the glitter and house music and tight clothes.
ReplyDeleteTurns out I went to my first Pride this year, and something happened. While I saw all of the stereotypical gay things, there was a feeling I had that Im sure was the original intent for Pride. And that was that if we are a country of equality, that equality really is not extended to the gay community, and they are trying to gain it in ways of pride. And while yes, it does turn into a giant party and all things over the top its really about acceptance. I mean the pride I went to was in California, and a sign I saw really caught my attention. It said
"In 2008 Chickens Got Rights, Gays Got Denied"
(Referring to the proposition that passed that provided more humane rights to chicken, while proposition 8 failed, which was to legalize gay marriage"
That sign got me thinking, that this country and world that pride its self on equality and everyone, really isn't. I dont know if you feel the same way I do, but as a bi/curious college student like me, there was just something that gave me a feeling for equality.
Its like that feeling of patriotism that you get at the 4th of july when you see fireworks, and BBQs, and kids playing, and flags and parades. Its kinda like that but for a different cause.
Oh yeah and on the smoking thing, I agree. Why does our generation even smoke? Its gross.
Dan: With Bruno, I'm probably going to see it because from what I hear it offends EVERYONE, haha.
ReplyDeleteS: I definitely see where you are coming from. I haven't been to a Pride event, although I plan on going to one next year hopefully. I think that there are pretty much two views on Pride events: they are completely over-the-top and give straight people and everyone a biased and untrue (and often debaucherous) view of gay people, and the other view is that it is a way for gay people to get together to celebrate how far we've come and the big gatherings are places where gay people can feel completely comfortable with themselves.
I honestly think both of these are sort of true. So I can see where you come from completely, I was just taking the first side in my post. I think Pride is important, and fun, even with its circuit parties and drag queens and parades, because at least the gay community is out there showing everyone at large that we are still here and still strong.
Thanks for your comment! It really made me think.
Hi Dustin,
ReplyDeleteIt is unfortunate that the stereotypes are still there and somehow straight people expect us to fit into those fairly narrow stereotypes.
There are still plenty of people out there who don't know any gay people personally, they just have to rely on the media and the said stereotypes. When we come out, we can "educate" friends in a way, showing them that not all gay people are alike and even someone you know can be gay without people knowing it.
I lived a while in an open-minded city and saw lots of displays of public affection, the gay pride was a big event etc but I have to say I still don't feel comfortable holding hands in public with my partner. I guess it's the whole mindset or I'm just very old-fashioned.
Dustin-
ReplyDelete1. I completely agree with the whole smoking trend. I have a number of gay friends who smoke heavily. I cannot think but of only one straight friend that smokes. I, too, don't know if there is some correlation there, but it is a pretty good observation. Also, I had a grandmother who smoke for 60 years, and because of her I never had any impulse to try smoking. Will never go there.
2. That is just too funny. It is the whole Will & Grace era. Don't get me wrong, I love the show. However it is obvious that Will and Jack were too often considered just one of the girls in the group.
3. Gay stereotypes run rampant in our society. I personally blame a lot of that on the media and our society's ignorance. (No, not stupidity...that's another subject for another day.) Our media hypes up the gay stereotypes through sitcoms, movies, etc. I am not saying that it is all bad. On the contrary, I think shows like Will & Grace helped to move the conversation forward on gay rights and help people become more farmiliar with the geighs (to quote you). The only type of gay people some people in our society know are those that have made the news or cable shows.
4. S. Coronado is right that we have to educate our society on what it means to be gay. I have never been to a Pride event, but I am wanting to go to the next Atlanta Pride. It is a big celebration and it may be too over the top, but the underlying message is that we are not afraid anymore. Our society will continue to shun us and withhold our civil rights until we are able to educate America and change misconception in our society.
I understand many of your fears and observations. Being from a small town in the Southeast US, I know what it is like to begin the coming out process. You are most certainly not alone.
My boyfriend and I like to hold hands when a lot, but we are often afraid to when we are in a public place for fear of people being stupid (we're also on a college campus, so there are a lot of drunks most nights. I understand and agree with not wanting to wear a rainbow flag, but it would be nice to be comfortable holding his hand in public.
ReplyDeleteas to the smoking thing, almost all of my friends do not smoke, and none of my close gay friends do... so we gay non-smokers are out there... lol
btw, who's life am i living posted a shoutout to you, which is why i'm reading